I am back

I am back to the library after a short break—eating a sandwich, drinking some hot chocolate, and looking the undergraduate students gathering, laughing, arguing—to cheer up. But I am still not happy. Not happy (and strong) enough to concentrate on my studying. I can see that I am completely fragile and going to break down by a breeze…

Yes: I know it is not easy to study some theoretical course abroad, in a language that I could not express myself explicitly; I know I am getting use to study hard; I know I am here to learn as much as I can and I should not lose my track; I know; I know; but still do not have good feelings, do not have self confidence… I am not the one I used to be: why I have become so much unsocial here in London?

Pressure

Three Iranian Women's Rights Activists Arrested.

Tala't Taghinia, Mansoureh Shojaie, and Farnaz Seify, women's rights activists, journalists, and members of the Women's Cultural Center, were arrested at Imam Khomeini Airport in Tehran, while trying to exist the country to attend a journalism training in New Delhi India. After their arrest, security forces escorted the three activists to their homes, where their personal affects, such as their books, computers and computer cases, were searched and seized. After a search of their homes, these three activists were transferred to Evin Prison, 209th Ward.

I have a dream

It's 4 AM, here, in Tehran and I can't go to bed.

I'm thinking about our city council's election—which is going to be held on Friday—and am trying to estimate how many people would go to the polls. Hmm… Why is it important to me? Just think that more participation may improve the situation of Iranian reformists as the number of votes for conservatives has been remained constant through the years.

But this is not all that makes me sleepless. My Persian weblog is blocked for the third time in the last 6 months. I've established new domain addresses twice, but all three are now blocked by the authorities. Although I'm a journalist, I write my personal notes and concerns—from family to society, from poetry to cinema—on my blog and I don't know why they are against it. Why should I be censored?

Well, I'm also thinking about the gathering of Holocaust deniers in Tehran and I simply compare the whole seminar and Ahmadinejad's guests with those of our last president, Khatami. Can you tell Pope from a former Ku Klux Klan leader?

I have a dream, but if only I could sleep…

PS. my blog on RSF.

Brainwashing

I watch Friends TV series these days. Although I hate that laughing sound scripted on some scenes, I like the overall sitcom. It makes me familiar to American society. Well, in season 3, there is an episode which Pete, Monica’s millionaire boyfriend, wants to be an ultimate fighting champion. And here is one of the dialogues:

Ross [Monica’s brother]: How long until Pete’s fight?

Monica: About 5 minutes. They’re interviewing his opponent. Apparently, he trains by going to Iran and pulling the arms off thieves.

Hehe! I wonder if there were (are) any complaints about this dialogue anytime… How can they lie in a way that it’s a fact? And you find yourself so weak to mediate this real fact: Pulling off the arms never happened here, in Iran; never.

Kolakchaal

It was completely dark when we started to climb Kolakchaal at 4 am. I was some how sleepy and unconscious at first but after feeling the cool gentle breeze on my face’s skin, I fell into a nice dawn-dreaming!
After a while, light comes up steadily. And there was a wow-like light on Tehran…
I love this city. No matter it’s crowded, polluted and full of traffic jams. No matter it’s dirty, has ugly buildings and bumpy streets. It’s beautiful specially when you look at it from the northern mountains.

How much?

It never happened to me before: crying for not having a chance to talk to one of my best friends. I just think about her, for more than a month. I’m some how nervous for her risky decisions. Yet, she is happy and healthy in a pretty good European country.
And now, I’m listening to Mark Knopfler’s Shangri-La which she bought me about two years ago. Hmm, she is happy and I have to be happy for her. I can’t call her and if I could, it wouldn’t take the place of her smile…

Immigrating to other countries (so-called first world!) for searching better life opportunities, it’s the road Iranians, especially young generation is driving on. Is it the best road? Why aren’t other roads parallel?
Everybody pays, he sings. He doesn’t know how much. Neither do I.

Parastoo is planning

It’s a kind of scary situation: I am investing on a thing that I am not sure about the result at all. After some months of being disappointed in my job as a journalist –because of many things-, I tried to find something enthusiastic and then I decided to study more on journalism.
Although I used to be a very good student at high school, it turned to be a “not bad” student at university. And now, this kind of non-academic, some activist person want to be a good post graduate student in another country in another language. Wow! How could it work?

Autumn

Kew Gardens, London. (larger size at flickr.)
[photo by: Parastoo Dokouhaki | November 2007]